Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
