So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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