So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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