Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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