A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
