My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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