i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was born a porn star she said
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
