An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
