It was confusing and full of hummus
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
