I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
