When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
