i was born a porn star she said
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
