when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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