FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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