Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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