this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
