Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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