my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
