Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
