Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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