ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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