So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
