why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
