im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
