Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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