you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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