I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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