if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
God, I missed his penis.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
