you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
