This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
