You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
