never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
