Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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