we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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