I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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