she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
