I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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