Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
