i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize