Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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