hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
