I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
