dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
