I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
