btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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