There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
