Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
