He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
