so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
