I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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