I cannot find my penis.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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