Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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