make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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