Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
