Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
