It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You may now shotgun with the bride
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
