hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize