1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
