she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
