i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
