Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
