Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
