Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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