Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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