i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone signed my nipple.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
