i was born a porn star she said
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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