As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
