I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
