I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
