A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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