K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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