champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
