I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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