I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
