This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
