No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
