Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
