You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
