Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
