She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
